This summer has been... a lot. I am in a perpetual state of sad. And happy. Excited, and exhausted. I'm not one for lists, but I absolutely need one. This summer I:
- Found and contacted my birth family on one side.
- Started some renovations.
- Found and contacted my birth family on the other side.
- Started some more renovations.
- Interviewed for a new job in a new field.
- Had an unbelievably wonderful reconnection with my birth-sister.
- Studied, a lot.
- Interviewed even harder.
- Had delightful conversations with my new aunts.
- Got the job.
- Planned a trip to meet my birth families, including my other sisters.
- Had a family emergency here; changed plans.
- Gave my notice at work.
- Drive 3,600km or so.
- Met. Visited both new and old relations.
- Got to stand beside both sets of sisters. Together. Yes, I look like them all. I'm an uncanny, rosy-cheeked mixture of two different and (on them, at least) lovely sets of features. Some day I'll share a photo. It's great.
- Heard and told so many stories. Learned more about both my adopted and my bio-family histories. I am full of new perspectives and brimming with small thoughts.
- Returned home, dropped 1,200m of elevation in 15m from the Coquihalla Summit to the valley, dodging semis and generally feeling exhilarated and terrified; a metaphor.
- Filled in while my (former, now)-colleagues were having a work-reunion. Felt sad. But happy. But sad.
- Still have not completed the renovations.
And there's more, this list is just... I had to start somewhere, and bullet points felt achievable. I wish I could convey how weird and fantastic this has all been. I had an amazing and overwhelming time, one that I don't even have words for yet. I may never. "Phenomenal" doesn't cut it, but that's the best I can do.
I've met sisters and nieces, and nephews; connected and reconnected; and then came home to wrap up my job. In a few weeks, I'll embark on new work that looks to be thrilling and challenging, and which has me excited about tech for the first time in a long time.
Look, I got what I wanted: change. I'm not just unstuck -- careful what you wish for, right? -- I'm ...unmoored.
But, as my grandpa always used to say (my existing grandpa, I mean, the one who I miss so very much as I write this post about family, and desperately wish was here to talk with about all this; who would understand, and who would be quietly worried and thrilled and proud of me, I hope--except the part where I've neglected my rose bushes the past few weeks, for which he would tsk and shake his head) ...as my grandpa used to say: "Ships are safe in harbour, but that's not what ships are for."
Away we go.