This is the obligatory "wow, it's been so long since I posted!" post. But, well. There might be a lot of those, because I'm terrible at habits. But look! Getting back on the proverbial horse. So to speak.
I'm tired. So, you know. Hey. What are some other proverbs? May you live in interesting times? No, that's a curse. The grass is greener, and strike while the iron is late? I'm not sure, but we are definitely living in hackneyed times. They're so predictable, and it's so hard to be simultaneously bored and terrified all the time. Like a rollercoaster, I keep thinking I'm used to it, and then realizing that no, we're just climbing up the next worst hill.
It's been a year of mixed blessings. I'm tired. A theme, probably to be repeated for the rest of my life. I just want some time to not be worried all the time. I'm trying to reset my pretty little head, and failing.
Speaking of failing, I've been letting that happen. Instead of jumping in and rescuing everything through the sheer weight of my neurotic inability to let shit go. And I do not like it. It is not making me any happier, nor less burned-out. I just have less control over everything. I don't think I'm wired to not care about things in a deeply uncomfortable, maladaptive way.
I just have this pernicious need to care about things that matter. FUCK ME but that is a horrible thing to need, when you also like money.
Yes, yes, I know. I know. I'm not the first to have a midlife crisis. Meaning is the ultimate root of human flourishing; eudaimonia. They named it in antiquity, and we haven't been able to improve upon the theme. Either it's that, or reading a good book now and then, being kind to others, and getting some good walking in.
Maybe I'll try those first. They're much cheaper.